I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
