so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
