i was born a porn star she said
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
