What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Operation Purity has been aborted
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
