I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize