We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
