I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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