So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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