I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
