Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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