I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
