I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
