my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
