i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
