i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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