dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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