So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
