Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
