I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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