im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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