Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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