I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
