They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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