One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
