once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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