So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
