the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
