You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
