Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize