thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
