Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
