Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
