That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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