Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
