I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
