i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
