so explain again why im purple
no
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
