Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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