im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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