Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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