my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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