90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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