i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
