Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
