its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
