Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize