I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
