I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize