I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
