You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
