barbara walters just said penis...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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