We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
