yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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