Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
