Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We are all done wearing pants today
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
