You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize