you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
