if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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