a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
