i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
