the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
