So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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