You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
