i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
