Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
