God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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