its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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