go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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