Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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