I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
