I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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