Your tits are I can't wait for
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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