So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
