if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
