Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
