i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
