Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
