I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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