He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
