Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
