Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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