i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
