if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
