i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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