yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i now understand why vodka
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
