Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize