Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
