For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
