wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Watching her eat just hurts me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
