its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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