Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
