OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
