I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
