I hope mine doesn't look like that
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
