I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
