Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
