watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
