Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
