On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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