I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
