At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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