I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
