I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
